It’s not that Sarajevo forgot how to declare someone persona non grata. They just got distracted.
Because Kaya Kallas didn’t come dressed as a conqueror.
She came as her. Blond, sharp, ice-eyed. A woman with nuclear curves and Brussels credentials.
And in this part of the world, when a woman looks like Kaya and talks like Schmidt – she doesn’t get questioned. She gets worshipped.
Forget that she embodies foreign dominance. Forget that she upholds a non-existent category of “High Representative legislation.” Forget that everything she says contradicts the Constitution of the country she’s visiting. None of that matters.
What matters is that she is too hot to be declared undesirable.
In Butmir, they didn’t roll out the red carpet – they rolled over.
Imams offered lamb.
Ministers offered poetry.
Dervishes whirled in circles so long they forgot what they were defending.
Zahiragic wiggled like a trained pet, offering a framed picture of Sarajevo — pure, white, snow-covered. Ethnically corrected. No Jews. No Croats. No Serbs. Just a good, clean city, ready for approval.
At the Parliament, a ceremonial offering of “Bosnia” was made — without its Serb half, without its Croat half, without its Constitution. A gift box of submission, wrapped in EU-blue ribbon.
Konaković, ever the eager servant, read her a haiku:
“The Constitution bends / As your eyes demand silence / OHR is sun.”
But Kaya knew.
She wasn’t here to be loved.
She was here to be desired.
And she got it.
They desired her power, her status, her approval – but also, if we’re honest, her.
And so no one asked questions.
No one pointed to the obvious: that the High Representative has no legal power to impose laws.
No one asked why this woman from Estonia suddenly has more say in Bosnia’s future than Bosnia’s own people.
Because she looked like Kaya.
And that, in this feudal colony where the Constitution sleeps in Alija’s grave, was more than enough.
AFTER CREDITS
(Read only if you’re not under OHR surveillance)
This column contains high levels of constitutional awareness, sarcasm, and a touch of male desperation. If you’re offended – you’re either the problem, or too close to someone who is.
Disclaimer:
No actual lambs were harmed during Kaja Kallas’ visit.
Except for the one named Bosnia and Herzegovina, slowly roasted on the spit of European diplomacy.
Viewer guidance:
May contain traces of truth, sovereignty, and post-colonial resistance.
Not suitable for NGOs funded by Soros, or for officials who get excited when Europeans pat their heads.