In Washington, where anything is possible, the Democratic Party has finally found a solution to its challenges in the upcoming election: the installation of artificial intelligence in President Joe Biden’s brain. In a move already hailed as “the boldest political maneuver since the invention of the teleprompter,” Biden’s new AI intelligence is expected to make him unbeatable in the battle against Donald Trump.
“When you can’t win with the old methods, it’s time for new technologies,” declared Nancy Pelosi, holding a box labeled “Top Secret” with a well-known tech company’s logo. “This AI isn’t just smart, it has a sense of humor. We’ll no longer have to worry about gaffes in speeches.”
Update: Biden 2.0
According to sources close to the party, after the installation Biden will be able to:
– Recognize his allies and opponents without reminders.
– Use complex sentences without unnecessary pauses.
– Beat Putin at chess during a coffee break.
AI Joe in Action
Initial tests have already shown promising results. At a press conference, AI Joe answered questions with the precision of a Google search. When asked about foreign policy, he responded with a 15-page PDF. One journalist noted, “That was the most informative answer ever, although I’m not sure a human brain can process that much information.”
Skeptics, however, warn of possible side effects. “What if the AI malfunctions in the middle of a debate? It might start reciting Shakespeare or singing Taylor Swift songs,” one analyst cautioned. But the party is convinced this is the only way to maintain an edge.
After all, if an AI can be invented to drive cars, why not to drive a campaign? Trump’s team has already responded, promising that if he wins, he’ll install “AI patriotism” in every citizen.
Trump Responds: “Even the Smallest Chip is Too Big for Biden’s Brain”
In his typical fashion, Donald Trump wasted no time in mocking the Democrats’ plan. “Biden’s brain has shrunk so much that I doubt the operation will succeed. Even the smallest chip is too big for his brain,” Trump quipped during an impromptu press conference at Trump Tower. “It’s the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard. This is dangerous for the country. We need real leaders, not AI puppets.”
Biden’s AI brain could mark the beginning of a new era in politics, where candidates compete in megapixels and terabytes instead of traditional rhetorical skills. One thing is certain: with this move, the 2024 election will be unforgettable. In the meantime, we recommend Biden’s opponents secure their campaigns with antivirus programs—just in case.